Blog #7

Before changes:

Being creative and making or using any form of art gives someone the ability to express themselves and to be their own person. I can’t help but think of how boring the world would be without books, movies, and especially music, considering I indulge in all of these activities on almost a day to day basis. For some people, music improves their productiveness in the activity they are involved in. An example being something as simple as going to the gym. Working out with music is much more enjoyable and keeps you on task. Music is a way of expressing yourself in the sense that you could be interested in a unique set of certain genres that you find very compelling. This is also a way of making connections with other people who have similar tastes as you, there are many benefits to music. The same thing goes for movies, TV shows, and books; you can always find someone who shares the same interests that you have. Creating art is another way of self expression. As a kid I used to write short stories, and that was my way of bringing my imagination to life. This was self-rewarding in a way, because I felt proud of myself as I would show off my ‘masterpieces’ that I would create. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was essentially expressing my emotions and thoughts that I had at that moment, and I think that is important. Everyone needs to communicate their feelings to stay sane.

After Changes:

Being creative and using any form of art gives someone the ability to express themselves. I can’t help but think of how boring the world would be without books, movies, and especially music, considering I indulge in all of these activities on almost a day to day basis. For some people, music improves their productiveness in the activity they are involved in. An example being something as simple as going to the gym. Working out with music is much more enjoyable and keeps you on task. Music is a way of expressing yourself in the sense that you could be interested in a unique set of certain genres that you find very compelling. You can also use your interests to make connections with other people who have similar tastes as you. The same thing goes for movies, TV shows, and books; you can always find someone who shares the same interests that you have. Creating art is another way of self expression. As a kid I used to write short stories, and that was my way of bringing my imagination to life. This was self-rewarding in a way, because I felt proud of myself as I would show off my ‘masterpieces’ that I would create. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was essentially expressing my emotions and thoughts that I had at that moment, and I think that is important. Everyone needs to communicate their feelings to stay sane.

Before changes:

Living like an Effective Altruist is simply not a good way of life. They might get some joy out of helping people, but they aren’t doing anything to give joy to themselves, which I believe is important to live a satisfying and enjoyable life. The fact that EAs don’t give creative people a chance and “require that they give up what they love to do most” breaks my heart. How can you tell someone to drop what they are passionate about when they could have impacted so many people, possibly in need of emotional help? Their beliefs actually go against doing what you’re interested in and passionate about when I was told all my life to get into something that I actually find interesting so that I wouldn’t be miserable. The way I see it is that the EAs think that you can’t do anything for yourself because it doesn’t benefit everyone. That to me seems like you can’t even live your own life the way you want and you end up feeling depressed. In my opinion, I believe that you don’t need to just give your money away to benefit others. What you need is a way to communicate emotions to others and connect through powerful artwork to have a better lifestyle for yourself.

After changes:

Living like an Effective Altruist is simply not a good way of life. They might get some joy out of helping people, but they aren’t doing anything to give joy to themselves. I believe this is important to live a satisfying and enjoyable life. The fact that EAs don’t give creative people a chance and “require that they give up what they love to do most” breaks my heart. How can you tell someone to drop what they are passionate about when they could have impacted so many people, possibly in need of emotional help? Their beliefs actually go against doing what you’re interested in and passionate about. Most parents tell their kids to get into something that they actually find interesting so that they wouldn’t be miserable, which is the complete opposite. The way I see it is that the EAs think that you can’t do anything for yourself because it doesn’t benefit everyone. That to me seems like you can’t even live your own life the way you want and you end up feeling depressed. In my opinion, I believe that you don’t need to just give your money away to benefit others. What you need is a way to communicate emotions to others and connect through powerful artwork to have a better lifestyle for yourself.

The changes I made in my paragraphs were subtle. I broke up run on sentences and changed them a little to sound better in the paragraphs. I also got rid of some of the parts that don’t go along with the topic of the paragraphs. Overall these changes help give an easier read to the reader because it makes more sense now.